Project Hold the Line

September 9-15, 2023

Saturday, 9 September 2023

As the sun rises over Nassau on this overcast Saturday morning, our staff members wake and prepare to begin setting up onboard the Morning Star.  There is definitely excitement in the air, and a little nervous energy, as we prepare to launch our inaugural retreat for first responders. It is a natural evolution of our program as so many Veterans continue to serve in first responder roles once they complete their time in the military. For staff, Saturday  is one of the more stressful days as we have a lot to accomplish. We can breathe easy once everyone is on board and lines are tossed.

A few staff members head to the dock early while the others remain at the hotel to enjoy breakfast and spend more time getting to know our Valkyries. You can see that many feel comfortable with one another already and there were some fun moments as some participants actually knew one another but didn’t realize each was attending. 

The arrival of our Valkyries on the dock is a mixture of emotions, most are excited though some are apprehensive of being at sea for a week. Some are still unsure what the week may bring and all are out of their comfort zone.  We strive to make everyone feel welcome and work through the process of loading onto our Vessel, and departing for the Exumas.  Paper work, bunk assignments, more paperwork, issuing gear, verifying certifications, and of course lunch, all before we can depart.

Before the boat can leave the harbor, we once again address a couple of false truths with this year’s group.  One is the idea that this program, or any program, can completely heal a participant.  While most share common themes in their trauma, it is still unique to each individual and how they process those events.  Our first responders experience traumas daily and are expected to just go home and shrug it off when they change out of their uniforms, repeating the process after each shift. Those traumas compile over time and so time is needed to work through those experiences. While these men and women will receive more counseling in a week than many traditional programs offer in 6 months, we cannot return a person to who they were before their trauma.  This program is meant to serve as a pivot point for an individual who is not satisfied with the status quo… for someone who is looking to change the trajectory of their life.  We lay the groundwork for that one degree of course correction and the impact that makes over time. We are going to address hard concepts and difficult topics.  We may challenge their ideas and understanding of trauma.  But if they can have faith in our process and, if only for one week, be vulnerable enough to go all in, we promise them that their life can be changed.

Once everyone has boarded safely, crew and staff introductions are complete, and safety briefings finished, we depart Nassau harbor for the crossing of the Yellow Bank towards the Exuma Cays.  Chaps prays for the group’s success this week, for a safe week at sea, that true connections are made, and that the hearts and minds of our participants are open to the week in front of them. And so begins another voyage of healing.

Sunday, 10 September 2023

There is so much excitement and gratitude from everyone on the boat. The DSV staff are so welcoming and make sure that everyone feels included and valued. Today was a good reminder to focus on what is in front of me, and not linger on the past. We had three dives today and each was better than the last! So much sea life, we even saw a sea turtle munching on some grass. 

I was a little unsure what it would be like after we departed the dock and how I would handle being at sea… We were warned about the possibility of sea sickness but the waters are relatively calm and most seem to be doing well (I think everyone heeded warnings and took medication just in case).  Hoping that the weather holds with a hurricane out in the Atlantic - the crew and staff are not worried right now so I’m thinking we should follow their lead.

For the retreat to really have just started, I feel a really strong bond and connection with my fellow participants. I feel stress free and relaxed which rarely happens. I know I will remind myself of this experience and the positive takeaways which I can apply to my life. I not only learned how to better handle stress and anxiety during difficult times, but also how to be more present when things are good.

Going forward, I want to make a better effort in choosing my words carefully in regard to how I am truly feeling and expressing that honestly. Most importantly, I need to remember to love others, love myself, and always make time for the little things. I almost backed out of attending, and I will be forever grateful that I went through with it. To use my ‘gratitude’ for the day - I am grateful for this experience.

Monday, 11 September 2023

What an amazing sunrise, it’s almost like it illuminated the positive transformation in my brothers and sisters around me.There was such peace and it really reminded me of my goal to live in the moment and be mindful. There were some awesome moments today! I learned more of the personal background of my friends as they shared some of their struggles and what they had learned in how to communicate and build a stronger relationship. Their vulnerability and honesty help so many of us. 

I really want to continue to grow as a person of sound character. I am committed to being the best husband, father, son, brother, friend and follower of Christ I can be. This day provided the perfect setting and opportunity to self-reflect and discover myself. 

Today we learned about moral injury, a term I wasn’t familiar with, but the meaning I knew all too well. We talked about different ways to breathe when confronted with situations that trigger us and I can see how that will be useful going forward. I want to be able to recognize my triggers, when I am entering a bad place, communicate with my wife and be able to explain to her how she can help. I don’t pray enough, I don’t really pray. God knows my struggle and I need to be able to ask for His guidance and grace. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” Phillipians 4:13. 

After our morning sessions we geared up for the shark dive! There was definitely some anxiety all around but having faith and confidence in myself and those around me, I was able to completely savor the moment. The same emotions came over me as we got ready for our drift dive. Another successful and amazing accomplishment. I feel extremely honored and grateful for today, the anniversary of 9/11, to be the day for my Captain’s log.

The most amazing part of the day, possibly the week, occurred when we visited the beach on Highbourne Cay.  .As the sun set, we gathered on the beach to share what today (9/11) meant to each of us and the impact that day had on all of our careers. I was in the presence of brother and sister warriors whose impact of the anniversary had greater meaning than my own. Listening to their store inspired and humbled me. Chaps closed it out with a prayer and a moment of silence. I can’t think of a better way to spend this day, surrounded by these people. I will remember this forever.

Tuesday, 12 September 2023

Today I experienced AWESOMENESS!!! I really felt welcomed into this DSV tribe. We talked a lot today about forgiving oneself and I never really thought about it that way. This job brings things with it that we have to do, even when we don’t like it but those actions don’t make me a bad person. I really want to use this experience to reflect and remember David's story, my story, and the feeling I felt while on this journey. Remember not to live the POOR life, remember that I am enough and if things don’t go as you want them to go, know it’s because God has a plan for you and you are where you need to be.

I saw a single file line of sharks out in the blue, it’s funny how something like that really sticks with you…. how you can recall it so vividly, not just what you saw but how you felt.  I honestly felt true happiness today and it has been a while. Maybe it’s because I feel so connected to these guys. We learned new methods of coping and ways to talk to my wife and share more about what I am going through. The idea of building a foundation of trust, starting with the small stuff, and starting those conversations.

I want to see every day as a gift, focus on turning off the switch and actually enjoy all the good there is in my life. The bad isn’t going anywhere but I don’t need to focus on that. I can prioritize the good in my life and let those good emotions be experienced.

I feel fortunate, humble, blessed, and closer to God. He has given me so many opportunities to continue. I need to get up each day, appreciate my wife and children, and keep moving forward.  I am grateful to be here today and I will recall the bliss I felt on the dives when I need a lift.

Wednesday, 13 September 2023

Today was a day in which I felt cared for. Everyone around me was providing me with different means of comfort, laughter, stories, conversation, food, and a sense of belonging. There was a particular moment during my dive in which I was struggling with my buoyancy and my mask was off. I felt the comfort of a fellow diver holding on to my fin to assure me he was with me and to confirm I would not ascend too quickly. This gesture - not only comforting physically and mentally - kept me safe. 

Then there was my night dive at “Madison Avenue.” The pitch black quality of the night dive is a parallel to feeling alone, unaware of the unknown,and longing for a sense of comfort. When the lights are off, or distant from other divers, I feel both excited and nervous. Having my flashlight and dive partner looking out for me gave me a sense of confidence and a feeling of power. 

There is always room for improvement, even on the good days when everything seems okay on the surface. The memories are there just below and there are people around me who want the best for me and are able to help. I need to stop pushing them away and lean on them

Going forward I will use this experience and this feeling to pay it forward and attempt to make others feel this same way through laughter, stories, conversation, food, or maybe just being there for someone during a challenging moment above or below the water. We have learned so much over the last week and it is hard to believe that we will be heading home soon.  Like many of the other participants, I was nervous and apprehensive about attending this retreat and I almost stayed home.  I am so glad that I took a chance to come out here and have this experience.  I hope that I can cherish this experience and make the changes in my life that will justify me being selected to attend.

Thursday, 14 September 2023

Where do I begin? I feel like I am writing the letter from the Breakfast Club movie. Six days ago we were strangers. Today started with another beautiful sunrise. This fabulous group did a dive in what, I thought, was the best location yet: Barracuda Shoals. There were sharks, giant rays, tons of fish. 

This group from all over the country has been bonding through sessions, diving and spending time together. This all becomes important to a better life. I will maintain these friendships. A tribe has been formed. I don’t have to be perfect (good thing too, because I’m not). Enjoy the experiences of life! Spend more time enjoying the moment. I am writing this on the bow of a 65’ sloop in the Bahamas and I am so thankful for this opportunity. 

I have realized that I have a short fuse often and some anger problems that I need to control. I feel that I never had an outlet for it with all that I have seen. I started going to the gym on a regular basis and I need to continue with that. I have learned that I need to breathe and think before I react. I need to trust in those that love me. This ragtag group from different jobs in different states realized we were more alike than we are different, we are warriors who have fought many battles and are now fighting our own demons. We now truly believe that we have other warriors by our side in the fight and I won’t give up. 

After breaking gear down, we started the trip back to Nassau which brought excitement and sadness. Excitement to go home, and sadness that it is coming to an end. A bunch of us worked to put the sail up so we could make good time and as we closed in on Nassau, as a team we took it down, laughing and joking the whole time…. What an amazing experience this week at sea has been!

Friday, 15 September 2023

It’s once again Friday which means it is time to say our goodbyes. But we all know that these are really just “see you later” or “we will talk soon” as bonds and friendships have been created this week that will sustain and support each and every one of us going forward.  It was a unique week of firsts not just for our Valkyries but for the staff as well. There were some unknowns going into this retreat as the curriculum had been revised to more directly support our first responders but the outcome far exceeded the staff’s expectations. We saw firsthand the need for community hero retreats like this one and pray that we are able to support continuing programs. 

As we look forward to the future,  here are some raw numbers of our week at sea to reflect upon:

One week ago, 19 of us traveled from across the US to the Bahamas for a week of fellowship and  adventure while in search of healing. Before arriving, four of our participants completed new open water dive certifications and two conducted refreshers as it had been quite some time since their last dive. During this time at sea, we traveled more than 130 nautical miles through the Exuma Cays. Collectively we completed 198 dives resulting in a total depth of 9,823 feet or 1.8 miles (1.6nm). We spent 8,658 minutes underwater which is 163 hours or 6.7 days and consumed 374,022 pounds of air (9,973 cubic feet). Our time together was more than just these amazing stats underwater, as a group, more than 390 cumulative hours of counseling and devotions were conducted. 

These amazing men and women represent over  287 years of service to our communities and our country. We could not be more honored and humbled to serve those who so selflessly serve us all every day. The participants of Project Hold the Line represent the greatest aspects of America - not just volunteers willing to step into harm's way, but men and women who are resilient, willing to continue missions day after day. While this chapter, like many others, comes to a close, we know that all are better prepared to continue writing their next one.

On behalf of the Valkyries we serve, we sincerely thank our sponsors who make these counseling retreats possible.  Whether corporate or individual, this program could not succeed without your continued support and commitment.  We are humbled each and every year by those that place their trust in us, becoming members of our own tribe and who inspire us to find ways to give even more. 

Until next time,

From the staff of Project Hold the line - Josh, Neysa, Travis, Jay “Chaps”, Marc and Dobson.

Deep Sea Valkyries recognizes the incredible sacrifice of our law enforcement and first responders and we understand the trauma associated with these jobs. Many of our Valkyries have transitioned from their military service to a LEO/first responder role and they have shared with us the need for our program in that community. This year we are proud to announce the expansion of our trauma counseling programs to include a retreat specifically designed with our community heroes in mind.

• First responders are regularly confronted with exposure to traumatic events, including potentially life-threatening situations as well as the grave injuries and deaths of colleagues and civilians.

• Given the high frequency and severity of traumatic exposures, it is not surprising that first responders are at an elevated risk for developing PTSD.

• According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), roughly 1 in 3 first responders

  develop PTSD. *2020

• Law enforcement suicides in the United States have surpassed line of duty deaths in recent years.

• Over the past 15 years, U.S. Customs and Border Protection has lost 146 employees to suicide